Sunday, April 6, 2008

It was a wild ride...

... what can we (we, as in the staff of Magazine13) say but WOW.

Friggin wow. It was an unbelievable trip.
No, I'm not talking about some awesome drug experience, although it was good as pure Colombian nose candy.
The whole staff, writers and editors, took a 5-week vacation/fact finding mission. Unlike statesmen or real journalist, we didn't want to limit out visit to only on country or region. We traveled to every troubled part of the world, intent on finding the rock-hard truth.
Our faithful audience noticed that Magazine13 wasn't exactly a hive of activity last few days, but our final, super-compact report will blow your mind AWAY.
You better be, because here it comes:

South America

Venezuela: Human rights a-okay, no media oppression, no ties between the Colombian FARK rebels and government, oil export policies fair and reasonable
Colombia: No drugs produced or exported what so ever

France: good integration of Muslim minority in major cities, no unofficial racist policies in public structures
United Kingdom: home grown terror threat non existent
Russia: resurgent soviet era mad-expansionist cult of great leader not a big deal

Lebanon: civil war super-unlikely
Israel: not an apartheid state
Palestine: no problems with basic living conditions for 85% of the population
Iraq: feelings of patriotism and national unity strong, bombings and random killings super-low
Iran: human rights a-okay, no plans for middle east domination, no secret weapons labs for Hezbollah or Hamas
China: human rights a-okay, Tibet-what is that?
Afghanistan: not a killing ground for unsuspecting Canadian soldiers and other unprepared NATO troops, Taliban non existent, opium production hardy noticeable
Sri Lanka: ongoing civil war fought on land, sea and air not a big deal

Sudan: Darfur a-okay
Somalia: a-okay, no rising Union of Islamic courts insurgency against Ethiopian troops
Kenya: post-election violence gone and forgotten
All those other, sub-Saharan places fine as well

North America
USA: every little thing super-cool

See. We can only draw one conclusion.
Every little thing is just fine, so don't you worry your pretty head about nothing.
... just fine...