The most polluted place in the world

Grandpa Milo writes about... well, the title is really self-explanatory.
By: Grandpa Milo


Blacksmith technical advisory board.

Apparently, that's some kind of environmental organization. They publicized a report called ''Top 10 most polluted places in the world.''

And guess what? You live in the number 3!

I'm kidding! Hahaha - got you there!

Relax, if you're reading this there's no way you live in any of those places.
You have an Internet connection and can read English, and I can bet you also have a home and eat at least 2 times a day. So, I'm almost certain you didn't cut the list.

Maybe next year. Or just start polluting on your own, and hope someone from the Blacksmith technical advisory board notices.

The most polluted place on planet is called Kabwe, and it's located in Zambia. A big lead mining industry was built there, and now metals like lead, cadmium, copper, and zinc are everywhere. By everywhere, I mean in the soil, water, dust, locally grown food, and let's not forget - the locals.
Around 255 000 people are directly affected, and on average, children have blood lead levels just below the fatal amount.
Ah, the joy of growing up near those lead mines.

The situation is so bad that even Chernobyl was rated as less polluted.

But, there is hope. According to the Blacksmith technical advisory board, they are helping NGO bring information to the local residents about all the downsides of having lead around. Here are some of the advices:

1. Do not eat food from your area - you make 5$ a month, so go and buy some naturally grown macrobiotic meals from Netherlands.
2. Do not allow your children to play in the dirt. They should go to boarding schools in France, or play in one of the hermetically sealed rooms you certainly have in your 5x5 mud hut.
3. Try not to inhale air in the 20 miles circle around the mine.
4. Move to Hawaii.

I know you fell badly for all those poor people that have to go trough lead poisoning - you shouldn't. Soon, they'll be more informed about it.

Sure, they'll continue to die from it same as always, but you have to take baby steps with things like fatal long-term lead contamination.

Christ Samurai /Ninja/Robot Believers!

You'll love this book.

It's called ''The Way of the Christian Samurai'' and I ran across it by chance. I didn't read it, but its premise is absolutely brilliant. It compares Samurai warriors of old Japan with modern, devoted Christians. For example, Samurai were in the service of their Lord and were ready to lay down their lives for him, exactly as good Christians are, or should be in the service of their Lord, who isn't, in this case, a fat Japanese man from the middle ages, but God himself.

Now, I have seen a lot of stupid ideas, but this one is high on the scoreboard. Samurai were probably on the complete opposite end of all Christian values.

First of all, their job was to KILL, and I remember something about the 10 commandments being against killing. They were professional soldiers, and created an entire philosophy (bushido) that rejects life itself. Of course, they did this to decrease or even totally eliminate their fear of death and thus become even more efficient killing machines. Maybe that's what Jesus wants these days?

Also, they respected suicide immensely, and often killed themselves by cutting out their intestines (seppuku) for, from today's standards, trivial matters. Suicide is, as far as I know, also No-No for Christians.

And how about the habit of testing new swords on prisoners and criminals - you can't be sure your new bling-bling katana is good unless you decapitate a few doesn't random captives. Similar to Christianity, mercy was obviously very valued by Samurai.

Finally, let's not forget their love for man-love. In feudal Japan, it was common practice that younger warriors become lovers to older and more experience ones. Ah, man-on-man anal sex - so Christian, don't you think?

So, let's not forget: Samurai were mindless, merciless killers, military drilled from childhood and ready to do anything for their Lord. If that's what Christianity is looking for today, Samurai would be a dead-on choice.

Lebanon - a working holiday

In the next article from our on going '''2007 Vacation Season'' series read where Snake spent his time-off.
By: Snake


I bet not one of you people thought about visiting Lebanon this summer. Well, you were wrong. If you work as a mercenary, that is.

Let me tell you, that country is super. You can smell the sweet odor of war in the air.

You know that Israel fought a mini-war in the south last year, but something is telling me even bigger things are on the way. For someone like myself, although I'm not saying I am an actual mercenary or partake in any illegal or immoral activities (like arms trading, let's say) Lebanon is the place to be.

First of all, you have the Hezbollah. Those guys are always looking for some primo do dads, and the money is no biggie. Of course, it's preferable that you are of Muslim faith, but if not, a 10% discharge will seal the deal.

In the similar category is the Fatah Islam group. They are a little more on the fundamental head-chopping side, but if you bring gifts, preferably ones that go BOOM, you're more than welcome to their holly struggle. The only problem is that most of them are currently in Nahr el-Bared camp, where they're fighting an on going battle with the Army. So, if you can get in, and you don't mind the daily bombardment and sniper fire - it's going to be a blast.

But that medal has another face- the Army. They are underequipped, inexperienced and pretty much clueless about fighting. And who said that you have to shoot anyone yourself - you could become an instructor. The Army is multi-religious, so your belief system shouldn't be a problem. Don't expect to get rich, though. They use some ancient APC, so I guess they aren't exactly loaded.

Finally, you have the civilian population, who, like you and me (the ''maybe I am, maybe I'm not'' mercenaries and war traders) can see the blood & tissue writing on the wall. They know that the shit is about to hit the fan, and they want to buy some heat, ASAP. The price of small arms has tripled this year alone, and a new M-16, freshly stolen from a dead US Marine in Iraq is worth up to 10 000$. How do ya' like them apples?

Also, you have the Jewish, Christian, Sunni and Shiite communities, so, depending on your background, you'll be a welcomed sight in at lest one of them, except if you're a Buddhist dog of war, in which case you shouldn't be there anyway (Asia has a lot of working/playing opportunities, so don't come here and crowd the place)

I was there (or maybe I wasn't) for a few weeks, and now I bought myself an IPhone, XBox and there's a brand new jacuzzi sitting in my backyard. I also have a new offshore account in the Cayman Islands.

And you know what? I'm planning a new trip!

In short:
The good: upcoming civil war from hell
The bad: a peace process that would actually bring peace (yeah, right)
The ugly: look up ''the good''

Kid Nation for everyone

Madelyn writes about the new CBS reality show ''Kid Nation''.
By: Madelyn


I didn't even see one episode of the ''Kid Nation'' series, but you know what - I love it. It's just completely awesome.
Not because of its entertaining value or the controversial premise. Who cares about that?

CBS takes your kids away for 40 days and gives you 5000$ in return! You get a good 4-week holiday with no nagging, crying and bitching about everything. You don't have to get up at 05:05 to start making breakfast or drive miles and miles to pick up your brats from school. You get your freedom, even if it has to end in 40 days. At least you will spend it in Heaven.

At the same time, your children will be given real tasks and jobs in some abandoned desert backwater town. They'll have to sweat and work - the exact thing you and I do every day. Believe me, they won't like it, and that's a good thing. Maybe after that they'll appreciate all we had to sacrifice so that some little Brandon or Timmy could get their copy of ''World of Warcraft'' , and show some gratitude for a change.

Of course, there's a minimal chance that your kid will die or be horribly injured in some kind of freakish cooking accident, drink rat poison or fall in an open mine shaft, but that can happen anywhere, anytime and no one will pay you 5K+''CBS mourns the loss of your child'' bonus.

As I see it, there's only one thing missing in the show concept.
Similar kid jails... I mean reality show sets for the whole population. And those 40 days could easily become 80. Or even 120.

God bless TV.

You can tell it's Chin... Thaila... Mattel?

Read a two-for-one comment on recent recall of millions of Mattel toys as different parts of Paul / Michael psyche have a not-so-constructive debate.
By: Paul / Michael


Here's a stupid decision. Recall 9 million valuable products because of a few drops of lead paint. Now, every parent will make their kid lick new toys so they could sue someone if something like this happens again.

It's not just about the paint. Toy trains had small but powerful magnets that can fall out. What if some child had swalloved one?

So what? It would only make them look cool in school. They could do magic tricks with their newly magnetic belly.

It can kill them.

Oh, come on. We ate some magnets when we were young, right?

No, we newer did.

OK, maybe not exactly magnets, but we definitely ate or inhaled some stupid things. And what is wrong with us, eh?

We have a very severe mental illness. Right now, you and me are talking to no one and writing it down. Enough?

And that's because we inhaled GI Joe's miniature plastic helmet 20+ years ago?

It was his gun. But that's besides the point; we can't take any risk when there are helpless children involved.

Oh, so it's about the helpless children, is it? Well, where are those toys coming from?

China.

Right. And who is making them - little, penniless Chinese children. Those toy factories are their only livelyhood, and the recall is going to close most of them down. Not only that, the Government is probably going to execute the upper management for failing the economy. In a few days, little Huan Che will come home and ask: ''Mommy, where is daddy? Is he still in the office? ''. His mother will answer in tears: ''No, honey, we are going to get him. Give mommy the wallet, we have to pay the bill for one AK-47 round.''
Of course, no one will kill hundreds of 11-year-old workers - they are going to die of hunger on the streets.

Hey man, it's our kids or theirs. That's what happens when you make lousy goods.

We made Windows Vista.

Oh right... Damn...

Italy/Schmitaly

Granpa Milo visited "The Big European Boot". Find out what he thought about it.
By: Grandpa Milo



To be honest, I never wanted to travel to Italy. I don't like pizza, all cathedrals look the same to me, and Italians are just too loud. Golly gosh, if you had ever told me that I would be visiting Vatican along side 100 Japanese tourists with cameras and white hats, I would have told you to put down your dope pipe.

Sadly, my wife was the one who told me that I was going with her - or she won't be coming back.
I had been living with her for the last few decades, so I knew she meant business.

Couple of days later, we were on our merry way to the land of greasy food and hair.

And, my God was it terrible.

The flight to Italy lasted 13 hours. In the end, my back felt like I was the star quarterback in a team that has the worst defence in the NFL. After that, we had to get a cab. That episode lasted another 2 hours. Rome is like some third world metropolis - narrow streets and millions of cars driven by bad drivers. Ours kept saying: "...you like...you like..." Well, me no like you, Francesco, Franco or whatever your name was, you irritating bastard.

Finally, we got there - the hotel was all right, but the service was pure crap. I felt like I was sleeping with distant relatives that didn't want me there. I eventually found out that this attitude is ever present over there - everybody is grumpy and passive aggressive.
Of course, my old lady was delighted - the architecture, the culture, and all the other ... ture. But let me tell you - it's just a bunch of old ruined buildings. I could have seen that in Detroit. Even writing about it makes my blood pressure rise.

The only thing I was looking forward to was the booze. Italy is famous for its wines. Well, the good ones are very expensive and I wasn't in the mood for big spending; the affordable ones taste like and probably were pissed in.

After a long 10 days, the vacation was over, and we were on a plane.
I had to watch ''Shakespeare in Love'' twice. Perfect ending for a perfect vacation in the land that invented organized crime syndicates.

In short...
The good: sleeping and forgetting
The bad: every other type of consciousness that made me suffer that god-forsaken country
The ugly: pizza makers that pick their nose while making dough

''2007 Vacation Season'' - My Croatian vacation

Being that Magazine13 exists solely because I mastered the secret arts of file uploading and basic HTML editing, and therefore run our little operation here, it has been decided that I should have the privilege of writing the first article from the announced ''07 Vacation Season'' series.

Well, where-oh-where did I go (ignore the subtle clue in the title)?

To the Mediterranean sun and sea, children, or, more precisely, to the small state on the Adriatic Sea called - Croatia.
Maybe you have heard of it; CNN has been running its commercials for the last few months. And, I've got to tell you: it wasn't half bad. Actually, it was friggin' great!

The coastline is spectacular, full of small coves, hidden beaches, and isolated islands. The sea is very clean (there is virtually no heavy shipping) and has an ideal temperature. Its not too hot or too cold, but its very refreshing.
Although Croatia fought a bitter and bloody, well, you could say a regular civil war during the early 90ties, those times are clearly gone. No one is going postal with an AK-47 and there are no small children from Norway getting blown up by land mines while playing boy scouts.
People are very pleasant and open, but not in an artificial manner that screams: ''Give us your money, stupid tourists!'' and the infrastructure, especially the highways and accommodation are worthy of EU standards (and even above them, having in mind that Bulgaria and Romania are also in EU)
All in all, I had 2 weeks of pure Mediterranean relaxation.

I'll sum it up for you:
The good: sea&sun, local food, people, roads
The bad: beer. I tried two locally brewed beers that made it to my top 10 worst drinks ever - one is called Favorite! Only if you've lost your sense of taste.
The ugly: Very old German couples going commando on a non-nudist beach.