Yummy, yummy, yummy, Jamie got something in her tummy

Britney Spears 16-years-old sister got knocked up, and Madelyn explains how her PR team should spin this to her advantage.
By: Madelyn


Press conference on Jamie-Lynn Spears pregnancy:

PR: Hello everybody!

I know you all have real stories to cover, so let's do in sailor-sex mode: short and sweet.
First of all, that dude isn't the father.
The real daddy is... GOD.
That's right, God left his or hers divine genetic material in Jamie's tummy.
You find that hard to believe? Here are the facts:

Jamie, like her whole redneck family is very religious, but not in any hippie/intellectual way, but more in the ignorant, cavemen please-give-us-rain manner that God prefers.

Second, she's hot. Unlike her trampy older sister, Jamie is still cute and adorable. Also, she's in the hardcore under age group.
Everyone likes that barley-legal stuff. In principle, this is in the same category. But, have in mind that He is the creator of Universe and complete existence, so He probably likes it even more barley. They don't call it sweet 16 for nothing.

Now, will all this mean that she is carrying the second Jesus/Jesusett Christ?

Well, her team of medical and church experts doesn't think so, and believe that this is more in the lines of one nightstand.
Let's face it; God has a really stressful job, so it's good for all of us that he got laid.
We know he had a good time: Jamie looks like a girl that knows how to give a decent time to her sex partner, and it's not like she could have said something like: ''Oh, I don't like to give a BJ strait away.'' God got whatever he wanted, no question about it. Now, I bet he's a lot more relaxed - maybe we'll have less Ebola outbreaks and a not so many Presidents from the Bush family in the years to come.
Also, theology points out that the second coming of Christ has to occur in a tormented place where the oppressed desperately need a savior.
Currently, that place is Iraq.

So, to sum it up:
God got Jamie pregnant, and the kid won't be the next Jesus.
She is still a virgin and doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
Human sex, that is.

Come to the US and..

Madelyn explains a brilliant scheme that could recover the fledgling US economy.
By: Madelyn


Last night I got to some heavy thinking while I was doing some heavy drinking.
Let's face it - US economy is totally screwed. One Euro is what now, 1.43 dollars or something; folks, we're in one big pile of crap.

That whole story got me so down I simply had to clear my head in a bottle of vodka.

After one hour and few false ''through-up'' alarms, it hit me.
Euro - the solution to our problems.
I mean, the Europeans. Sure, they are up tight and pompous and have a knack for losing wars, but now, they got cash.
And what Europies like?
Drugs? Yes, but they can score easier at home that here.
Alcohol? They got better booze than we do.
High-tech crap? Sure, but not ours. You can't even use IPhone over there, and really, that all we got that isn't still in every Japanese pocket.
Sex, you wonder. But they have Netherlands and what not, and there it's 100% legal.
Yes, it is. But is also expensive.
We, the old and young, from all corners of our proud country, could sell our bodies and love techniques to them.
Their money is worth a lot more here.
Plus, honestly, the whole world masturbates to US porn. There isn't a guy in Europe that fantasizes about some 19-year-old trafficked Romanian peasant girl in a shady Amsterdam apartment; they want an all-American Barbie dolls with fake everything, to whom foreplay means deep-throat and 4-finger back door job.
The women crave some made-in-the-USA muscle, and I bet they dream about our firemen, police officers and pizza delivery boys. The homosexually oriented have an equally big selection.
They all want to do it by the poll, in the sun, while the elderly neighbors watch.

And we want them to come. If they can afford a plane ticket, they can't be poor. I'm sure they'll be polite and curious, and don't worry about sickos and serial killers; you have a bigger chance meting them in your 7-11.
The best thing is that no one has to know you sell your body to them - simply brag how your European cousins are coming for a weekend. After they leave, you can magically afford those brand new high heel Gucci shoos you wanted.
I guarantee this would recover our economy in months.
I can even see the CNN international commercial:

Come to the USA and get laid like a golden god - dirt-cheap.