Tuesday, December 18, 2007
How NOT to kill your grandparents
Grandpa Milo debates the wisdom of announcing your criminal plans to the Church of Satan in the manner of this young man from Ohio.
By: Grandpa Milo
Some would say I'm old.
Most would say I'm in my ''golden years'', but no, I'm not.
They're not golden - they're horrible. It sucks to be old, and it pisses me off. And, because of that, I sometimes take it out on others, or, more precisely, on my family. I know my kid and grandkids sometimes want to kill me.
That's perfectly normal.
But, they don't send their plans to the high priest of the Church of Satan!
This moron did, alongside his full name and address. And what did the priest do?
Called the FBI, of course. Next day, a SWAT team took the idiot down town, where big guys with mustache yelled at him, and inquired about his views on radical Christianity, Islam, Satanism and Communism.
His grandparents lived.
Well, that didn't go as planed, asswipe. What did he expect?
Reply from the Church of Satan:
To the soon-to-be killer,
We received your letter concerning your homicidal intentions, and all we have to say is:
Good for you!
Keep voting Republican or the hippies will take away your grandparent-killing-guns.
Dark lord Satan
You know what I would do if I was his grandfather? Thrash the whole house, draw some pentagrams and then covertly take the misses on a trip to Hawaii.
My retarded offspring would get arrested again and convicted as a multiple murderer. After a few months of max security prison showers and courtyard stabbings, we would show up and settle the whole thing.
That would teach him a lesson.