Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Is your neighbor an Enginerrorist?

Grandpa Milo comments on a new sociology paper that connects ''a engineering mindset'' and a predisposition towards Islamic terrorism. You know this will be awesome, right?
By: Grandpa Milo

Let me tell you, I was always a bit suspicious about my neighbor. He's an engineer. And everybody knows those sons of bitches are just crazy about radical Islam, right? I mean, after all, they do have an engineering mindset, after all.
I'll call Homeland security right away; he might be plotting to build a gigantic laser and use it against Hawaii.
He is an engineer, and engineers build stuff. Deadly stuff!

Now, kiddies, I didn't read this fantastic new paper that is the talk of the town, but I can tell you, the idea is so preposterous that I wonder why people just don't laugh at this. Then I remember, they're idiots.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

The authors pose the hypothesis that "engineers have a 'mindset' that makes them a particularly good match for Islamism," which becomes explosive when fused by the repression and vigorous radicalization triggered by the social conditions they endured in Islamic countries.

Yes, those Islamic countries sure brainwash everybody long and hard, don't they. The grate sociologist himself Jerry Falwell often pointed that out. Also, the repressed always willingly and by free choice start to fight for the very thing that is oppressing them, right? Take The American Revolution, for example.

But, let's not forget about that evil mindset.

Whether American, Canadian or Islamic, they pointed out that a disproportionate share of engineers seem to have a mindset that makes them open to the quintessential right-wing features of "monism" (why argue where there is one best solution) and by "simplism" (if only people were rational, remedies would be simple).

Sure, those are the traits of terrorists, no question about it.

So, you can be American, Canadian, black, white, Islamic or even Chinese - the bottom line is:
If you love one best solution, rational people, insurgent videos and Bin Laden - you're an Enginerrorist.
The evil Enginerrorist are among us, people. Keep an eye out.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Escape from Gaza

Turn on CNN (or Fox News, if you're right now cleaning your bad-ass machine gun) - Hamas militants blew up several holes in the border fence with Egypt. Snake shares his view on this event.
By: Snake

Israel had a good plan.
Hamas, Islamic Jihad and other Palestinian militant movements have been continual targeting southern Israeli towns like Sderot with mortar fire and totally-not-based-on-Iranian-Revolutionary-guard-technology Qassam rockets.

So Israel put all those Palestinians in quarantine, cutting of vital supplies of food, medicine and fuel.
They tried to restrict air too, but that's apparently very hard. The idea was that in this kind of situation, all those hungry and freezing women, old men, and children would take over from the Israeli Predator surveillance planes armed with Hellfire missiles, and start to attack and kill Hamas mortar team by themselves.

No question about it, it was a good, thought out, solid plan.

UN called it ''collective punishment'', but everyone knows those bastards are jealous anti-Semites.

And it worked. Things got really, really bad in one of the most populated places in the world.
Sure, the Qassams and sniper fire didn't stop coming, but you have to give these kinds of things at least a decade or two to show results.

But then today, Hamas, with the help of Semtex, made a few more exits in the friendly, humanitarian fence on the Egyptian border. Immediately, people started crossing into Egypt to buy food and medicine.

Come on, NOT FAIR!

Will this make little Mohammad bare-handedly attack the democratically elected Hamas government?
No way, Hose.

So please, Gaza citizens, stop what you're doing and go back to orderly starvation. You can fantasize how the black population in South Africa had it good during the Apartheid.
Also, repair the fence. It 'aint yours.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Mission Man Band

I just love to watch the reality show ''Mission Man Band''. Madelyn too, but she explains how this idea should spread.
By: Madelyn

The plot in one sentence: 4 guys from some lame 90's boy bands get another chance.

Why just them! I want a second chance too! Please, VH1, call me! Save me!

Mission Happy woman with no kids & fat husband.
Mission Woman Pilot, or Doctor or anything.
Mission Woman escapes from suburban nightmare before she kills her neighbors''

Let's face it: everybody deserves a second chance.
Even if a TV crew has to follow you even to the toilet, and your drunken shenanigans become laughing material for the next 5 years.

But, please, give us a chance to try it all over. The firs run weren't golden. In fact, it sucked big time. And I don't want to control the damage; I don't want to live with my mistakes. I want to press the restart button, so I can do it right, or at least less wrong this time.

So, people, write to VH1. Ask them to save you from your miserable life.
I will.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Kenya or can't ya

Does anybody get the situation in Kenya? I sure don't. But Snake pretends he does.
By: Snake

Personally, I never dug any ''job opportunities'' in sub-Saharan Africa. There was a bunch in the last few years - Sierra Leone, DR Congo, Ivory Coast. They all had their perks, and the money was pretty good. But, I don't know, I always had this thing about that part of the world.
What, you ask?

Well, I sort of think that those counties are in a state of suspended chaos and anarchy.

This is the reason why the shit hit the fan in Kenya. It's not about elections, come on, people!
This is tribal warfare, 2000 B.C. style. The election crisis only offered the opportunity for all those ''concerned citizens'' to pick up bows, arrows and machetes.
If this is really about some election issues, those guys have a funny way of expressing their concern about the democratic process. When a mob burnt down a church with 30 people inside, where they actually saying:
''We believe that independent monitoring organizations from the UN or EU should attend our Presidential elections''.

No, this is a classic example how an artificially constructed nation state splits on the real divisions lines, which are, in this case, tribal.
Of course, if you are a westerner, you don't have any idea about all those different, warring tribes that where bundled up in counties that some sweaty British, Dutch or French governor drew up in his cabinet 150 years ago.

So we watch in dismay, appalled how a local ''example of stability'' can so quickly descend into shear homicidal/pyromaniac chaos.

Well, guess what? Looks like it really wasn't all that stable after all.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Torture trill ride

Are you also tired by those same old boring roller coaster rides? Paul/Michael found out a new kind of trilling ride in the most unlikely place - China.
By: Paul/Michael

Picture this: you're riding on a regular roller coaster. You climb the highest point,
the cart flips down for 180 degrees, and you're staring down, thinking to yourself: ''DEAR GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE!''

Right then, in that moment, nothing happens. You just hang there, alongside your fellow trill seekers, feet pointing toward the sky.
This will last for 30 minutes, and this is the brand new thing in Wuhu Fangte Amusement Park in China.

All I can say is: this... is... brilliant.

Before this, the main point of these trill ride was the overwhelming fear of a quick-car-accident style death.
But this one is tapping in that primal fear of a slow, excruciating death by torture.
The hanging of people by their feet is an ancient and well-loved execution method all over the world, still practiced in Afghanistan and other regions struggling to become free and democratic. In principle, this is the same thing. And who else would dare to introduce this brilliant feature, but the world's master torturers - the Chinese!

Plus, when you finally come down, you'll be dizzy and disoriented for several hours - the ride will go on even when you come home. Talk about beating the competition!

Chinese torture ride - very visionary, very bold.