Australians in Iraq - where, where?

Snake examines a possible new role for the Australian troops in Iraq.

By: Snake



Recently, Brendan Nelson (for everyone outside that continent - that's the Australian defense minister) admitted that the security of oil supplies was one of the main reasons for Australia's engagement in the 2003 Iraq invasion. That made a real buzz on the international scene - Australian prime minister denied it, White House denied any knowledge about oil reserves in Iraq, and even Nelson admitted that he was probably drunk, stoned and maybe even under some kind of telepathic fundamentalist mind control while giving the statement.

It's reported that CIA is working on a way to send a ninja-agent back in time; she (all good ninjas are, in fact, female) could then stop this embarrassing stamen from occurring by killing Brendan's grandmother, or the inventor of radio - waves (it was a radio interview).

But, alas, it's all in vain. The sad truth is out there. And the public is shocked like a nun on a trampoline - they are in it for the money; I mean oil. Golly-gosh! Of course, I've seen too much sick shit to be surprised by the fact that people get surprised by the things they all ready know, but it's still amusing. And, that's not the main point here.

The real shocker is - Australia has 1500 troops stationed in Iraq! And that's since the invasion, meaning the last 4 years.
What the hell do they actually do? Are they interior decorators? Army bloggers? They sure don't fight - have you ever seen a headline: ''XY Australian troops die in a roadside attack''. I haven't.

Where are they stationed? Not in Anbar. Not in the south, or Baghdad, or in the north. Are they underground, fighting the Al Kaida's mutant cave dwelling crab-people? Because, it sounds to me like they are... How should I put it - evading the El Grande Shitstorm.

And please, don't tell me they are working in logistics or planning or something intelectual like that. I served with Aussies, and there's no way to keep them away from the bottle. When planes start falling from the sky, be sure there's a drunken guy from Sidney sleeping on the radar.

Frankly, who can blame them? It's not that anyone would rush to fight in Iraq.

But, I have a proposition. Australians should train local militias. It doesn't matter if they are Sunny or Shia, as long as they spend some time with them. Why? Because, although they are lousy, drunk, half ass soldiers; they are great people. Funny, laid back, into sports, always ready to party. Besides them, every fundamentalist has to mellow out at least a little.

This way, everybody's happy. Aussies can sit on their asses and dick around with the locals (who already know enough about fighting from real life experience), and the recruits can hang around some of the best guys on Earth.

I'm a strategic genius.