Friday, June 15, 2007

I could be Miss World

Good and unexpected news for every mom in the world.
By Madelyn:

Today is a great day. You could even say, a monumental day.

Today, The Miss Spain beauty contest (that's in Spain) changed the rules, and from now on, even mother will be allowed to enter that competition. Before, mothers couldn't participate, and last year organizers even disqualified Angela Bustillo after she won the crown of Miss Cantabria. Ofcourse, that smooth move created a big buzz, and eventually, the pedophile judges who crave only underage contestants, had to comply. Now, I really don't care about knocked-up Angela and all the crushing emotional pain she went through during this awful ordeal. Anyway, she lives in Spain, for God sake - how bad can it be?

This news is important for a different reason. Moms can enter beauty contests.
Moms! Granted, for now, only in Spain, but it has to spread. And what does that mean?
I could enter in a few years, or even months. And then, the real show begins.
You see, I sort of despised my kids from the moment they ruined my body. You can be a goddess all your life, but when those things start growing in your gut, it's all over. First, say goodbye to your waist. I know, a bunch of you girls are thinking:" Oh, that's no biggie. I'll go on a diet right after the blood/plasma suckers finally pop out.'' Yeah, right!
All I can say is: while you have your baby - no way baby! Sure, we all saw all those celebrities that look great during pregnancy and are back on the screen/catwalk in weeks. But, they don't have to take care of their children, and you do. And all they want to do is suck and scream all night long. The first transforms your breasts in saggy, half-filled balloons, and the second gives your face a not so appealing I-could-kill-for-a-good-night-sleep look, dominated by the ever-present bags under your eyes.

To wrap it up, child bearing messes your body and face pretty much completely. Oh, the joy of giving life.

But, this is our chance, moms young and old. If we can enter a beauty competition, we can win, and then the world of riches and leisure could be ours! How, you ask, how can we compete against tight skin, perky breasts and fresh, innocent faces?

Why, we won't. Our admirers don't want youth. They want just what we have - motherhood.
Ever heard of MILF fans? They get off on older ladies, and the fact that we had little heads pushing trough our vaginas makes them really horny. I know, they're totally sick, but they take their obssession very seriously. Combine that with the fact that almost every future beauty competition will be based on some kind of public voting system, and we have a winner - us! Just imagine, there are millions of horny boys that fantasies about their best friends mom, and one day, while there watching a Miss World competition, among all those girls that look alike, they notice someone like you or me. They'll grab their computer or cell, and vote like crazy. I can even hear them calling their friends.

"Hey, Mark, check out Miss World. There's a totally awesome older babe competing.''

''I know man; I flipped out when I saw her. She's freaking hot, man!''

''I voted for her - 4 times.''

''Shut up! Me - 9 times!''

''Yeah, man. Sweet!''

And the title goes to...

That could be you. Or me. There's plenty of space for all, because, when we show up, looking like real women, who will notice those girls barely out of puberty . We can finally get some pay back for all that misery men like to call - ''bringing a new life to the world.''

I brought them, so now give me that crown.

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