Me and the Sun had a fight

Paul / Michael writes about his relationship whit the Sun.
By: Paul / Michael


One of these days, I'll simply leave. Just like that. And then, the Sun will be so sad and lonely that it won't see any reason to keep on living.
After that, it'll explode and kill everyone on Earth, even those who are, at that time, on the dark side of the planet. Now, I know you're thinking: '' There's no way that any Sun-explosion could kill people even on the dark side'' but, believe me, it could. Easy.
I watched a documentary about it.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the middle.

Sun is my friend. We hang out during the day, when the Moon or that clown from McDonalds can't bother us. Sun is a really cool guy (or a girl, I'm too polite to ask) and we can talk or mind-swap about anything. I wake up, go outside and Sun is already there, right on my doorstep. Usually we walk around the block, Sun and me, just chatting, while people look on with jelousy. Their eyes are wide and distant while they walk by; some even try to divert my attention away from Sun, the sons of bitches. I don't let that bother me, because I know everybody would like to be friends with Sun (you to, and don't try to deny it), and I just smile back. That's how we role, Sun and me, day in and out.
But, Sun has a big problem.
It drinks. A lot. And when it does, it makes me recite dirty songs to passers by. Then the trouble starts. Sun makes me stand on some busy intersection, and perform its so-called hits. Sun does this only to embarrass me, I'm sure, but I can't say no to my friend. So I start to scream out titles like: ''what you're looking at, fat retard?'' , ''gimmie a gun so I can clean this street from you morons'' , ''I want to drill holes in your lumpy head, ugly girl''. For some reason, people react badly to them: they push me, yell at me, curse me, threaten to call the police while others do just that. Then the police arrive, and I stop and run away. All the while, Sun laughs like mad up there, drunk like a horse. I tell you, it totally sucks.
So, one day, I decided not to take any more abuse.
I stayed at home.
I could hear Sun calling me, but I stayed quiet.
Next day, Sun told me it knew I was inside. It asked me to come out and that it stopped drinking. I didn't believe it.
The next day, Sun came back and thretened to cook me alive if I didn't come out.
That was too much.
I was prepared to leave and begin a new life in an underground cave where stupid Sun couldn't bother me. Just as I packed up and left my house in the middle of the night, the Moon stopped me. It had a message from the Sun.
It would kill itself if I leave. Moon asked me if I knew what that meant. I didn't.
It would mean BOOOM!
So, because I love you all, I decided to stay. Although Sun apologized and promised to stop drinking, a few days latter, I'm back at the corner singing ''I made out with your mamma, wife and sister, Mister Officer.''
But one of these days, I will leave it; I know I'm strong enough.
Even if it means you all have to burn to death in a gigantic Sun-explosion.