Monday, June 4, 2007

A new cold war on the horizon?

Grandpa Milo analyses the possibility of a second conflict between East and West.
by Grandpa Milo:

Now, who would have guessed that ex-KGB dwarf Putin has a backbone after all? When he took over from the drunken laughing dancing- with-Bill-Clinton piggy, I thought to myself: ''here's another castrated US puppet.'' And for the first few years, he sure acted as a lame, weak and tender President. All that was left from once mighty SSSR was to busy queuing for bread, while its state influence was fast becoming equal to Uganda's, Monaco's and East Timor's. And to think, just two decades ago, parents scared their children with the images of crazy, bloodthirsty Red Army privates looking to kill and maim on the eve of nuclear Armageddon. But then, all of the sudden, the scariest image of Russians was a bare ass immigrant prepared to work for a less than a minimum wage. For a long time, I thought that was the way things will be for good.

I cried myself to sleep every night.

But then from out of nowhere - a glimmer of hope.

Good old US of A armaments plans saved the day. Because a new defense plan, or better to say, an old plan, first hatched in a demented head of a former cowboy actor, is going to kick star my beloved nuclear standoff. You see, during the 80's, Ronald Reagan fell asleep one afternoon in front of the TV. And when he woke up, he conceived a brilliant plan to save the Western democracies from soviet missiles. He planed to shoot them down - with lasers! And he wanted to name it - Star Wars.
Can you guess what was he watching before he fell asleep?

Of course, he explained he's brilliant plan to the defence establishment, and they, instead of calling the family doctor for some stronger anti-hallucinogenic, approved it!

Naturally, 20 years later, everybody realized that Star Wars project was just a retarded pipe dream, but now there's another US President that has a tendency towards crazy war schemes. He's big one is the placement of a Ballistic Shied, or a series of missile interceptor silos all over the world in case North Korean super strong industry builds a really big nuclear catapult.
But, the greater thing is that US plans to place a few of those silos in Czech Republic and Poland. Those countries are in Russia's backyard, people. Not to mention the fact that they were a part of SSSR.

That pissed the Russians of really bad. First, they tested a new intercontinental ballistic missile, which, unlike its Korean and Iranian counterparts, can actually hit something. After that, the military declared that if the development of the Ballistic Shield project continues, they would have to aim their nuclear arsenal on Europe once again.
And all the while, Putin continues to spread some badass soviet style aggressive rhetoric.
Even the world’s smartest man can't tell how is this going to end, but even the stupidest can see it won't be good.
Now I can go to sleep every night, and dream of new, fun nuclear crisis to come.


Diesel said...

I don't get it. If it doesn't work, why are the Russians mad?

Main Editor said...

No, ''Star Wars'' program was a total failure, because, can you imagine, humanity still doesn't have the technology that can produce a weapon system based on a laser beam. Of course, no one is to blame for that, and all those billons invested in, basically nothing... Except, well, maybe President Regan for mistaking the SF TV show ''Star Trek'' for a science documentary program, and even managing to confuse the title with ''Star Wars''. OK, to be fair, both title had the word star in them, so it's an honest mistake.
But, the Ballistic Shield program works on a principle of medium range anti-ballistic missile sites, strategically placed all over the world. So, if an inter-continental missile were fired on USA form, let's say Mongolia, anti-ballistic missile would be fired from Japan and try to intercept it somewhere over the Pacific.
That's the theory.
In practice, even the Patriot missile system didn't work in 80% of the case (which was revealed during the First Gulf War, when Saddam Hussein fired Scud's on Israel. A great majority got to their targets, and simply passes the Patriot batteries)
But, even if it worked like a charm, what is it going to intercept? North Korea tested a few supposedly intercontinental ballistic missiles, but they all ended up in the sea (non intentionally). Iran, on the other hand, has and needs only medium range missiles, which can be used on neighboring oil installation. In a potential conflict with the USA, effect of rising oil prices would be globally more significant then the biggest nuclear explosion in Detroit. Also, if any country had a thermo-nuclear device, and wanted to detonate it on US soil, they would bring it over in a shipping container, and just blow up on mayor port city.
But that's not the reason why the Russians are mad. No one really plans to fire nuclear missiles, or even to shoot them down. It's a case of ''mine is bigger''. Look at it like this. Let's say you (Russia) have a steady relationship with a reasonably cute girlfriend (Poland, Check Republic). One day, you suddenly split up. OK, no biggie, life goes on. But, after a few mounts, you find out that your ex-girlfriend is dating a guy that always got on your nerves (USA). What would you do in that situation? Get really, really pissed off, of course.