Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You should have played my game

Lena makes no apologies in this from-beyond-the-grave interview.
by Clairvoyant Lena:

Hi, everybody, how's it hanging? I know, you probably think you're life sucks and you have a bunch of problems, but remember; you only have them because you're still alive. So let's hear from some of those who have already crossed the finish line.
First, I must mui concentrado.
I'm in the spiritual plain.
Searching for interesting souls.
Uh, I have somebody.
Whose there?

George Cayley

How's it hanging, Gorgy boy. Who are you again?

You don't know?

Can you believe it, no, I don't! Please, enlighten me. Or even better, we could play a game. I could guess what you did when you were alive. What do you say? I can name some creative field or profession, and you say ''hot'' if I'm close, or ''cold'', if I'm mistaken. For every ''hot'' answer, I get 1 point, but for every ''cold'', I get minus 0.5 points. But, I can only ask you 14 questions, 'cause after those comes the 2 round. But before that, we have to sum up all my points, and add all my special points...

For God's sake! I invented the seat belt!

Oh, fuck you, George! I really wanted to play that game. And now you've screwed it all up. Anyway, my first guess would have been ''car safety designer''.

I wasn't a car designer. I died in 1857. In my time, all ''cars'' had assholes and 4 legs.

Oh, yeah? And how do you know what a car is, then?

I keep myself informed, thank you very much.

Let me get this straight- you died 50 some years before the first car, but that didn't stop you from inventing the seat belt?

Everybody could have seen that the humanity was going faster and faster. I knew that the future had even crazier things in store. It was logical to create something that would keep them in the shaker while the cocktail was being made, so to speak.

Wow, thanks for that Mister Cayley. You brought the world's worst thing about individual mass transit. No one wants to put on those irritating things, but everybody has to, because it's illegal not to wear them while driving. In a single stroke, you took both comfort and basic human rights to make choices concerning their personal safety.

Oh yeah, screw you too! You think I'm not cool because everybody has to wear the belt. Do you think I want you to wear them? Did I plan for their use to become obligatory? I don't give a crap about you! Why would I, if you are so dumb that you reject the very thing that can save your life? And please, don't say they kill more than they save.

I don't have to. Everybody knows that, moron!

Why you... After this, I regret I ever tried to help you ungrateful future people. You know what? Just don't put them on. I insist. Rip them out of your cars. Cut them up, burn them, I really don't care. And when you splatter your face all over the dashboard, and you can feel the bones shatter into a thousand little pieces, think of me. Goodbye, ignorant future jackasses!

Oh, yeah, but you know what? Your stupid belt sill sucks and you can go and ...

Crap, he's gone.
Hahaha, now that was precious.
I admit, that didn't last as long as I hoped, but it was still fun.
Now, for the record, of course I know who invented the seat belt. And I always put it on, like any sane person.
Really, that's one useful invention.
But George should have played my ''guess the dead'' game.

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