Monday, February 18, 2008

Not dead, just old

Clairvoyant Lena has some difficulties while summoning a person whose son could become the most powerful person in the World (next to Aaron Spelling, of course).
By: Clairvoyant Lena

We're all stoked up about those little elections that are coming up, and, naturally, we have a right to know everything about our candidates. That's why I will try go get in touch with one special person from the other side or the afterlife (if you're a movie buff) - none other but the mother of the GOP candidate - John McCain!

Let's get cracking, shall we?
Mmmmm... I'm connecting... here it comes... and we're live.

Hello Roberta Wright McCain! How's death treating you?

You got it all wrong, my dear. I'm still alive.

Oh yeah? And how are we talking, then?

Over Skype! You sent me an email claiming you wanted to chat about the new ''Lost'' season.

Come on, our audience isn't retarded. Everybody knows Senator McCain is 72 years old. You would have to be... like 116.

I got my son in 1936. I had 24.

Oh JUST 24, eh? So, you were forced into marriage and didn't really want a child! Juicy stuff...

No, I love my son!

You mean ''loved''. You are, after all...

For God sakes, I'm not dead. I celebrated my 96th birthday. You can see me on your web cam.

A blind sable boy could spot that's a recording of you from the 1947. How stupid do you thing the public is? But, even more importantly, why would the good Senator want to pretend his mother is still alive?

Are you insane?

Prove you are alive - kill you're self right now, over Skype, using something that didn't exist in 1947! Bash your head with the new James Blunt album!

Who is James Blunt?

Aha! If you really were 96 years old, you would LOVE James Blunt. I think this interview is over.

You should seek medical treatment, my dear, I thing you're seriously mentally... KLIC!

Oh, yeah! Tell it to Joseph Stalin, you totally deceased person.

In closing, I think we all know what was said here - her son was never actually flew over Vietnam, was not tortured for 5 years, and is, in fact, a even bigger non-hero than that other John dude (Carry, or something like that).


Diesel said...

My mom is only 65, and she can't figure out Skype.

Main Editor said...

Try bribing her.